The Smarter They Come The Dumber We Get – Bike Snob NYC


I’m all at no cost enterprise, and I’m leery of making any extra authorities businesses, however we might must enact some new laws and empower some type of heavily-armed physique to maintain the bike business and the tech business as far aside as attainable, as a result of this may’t be good:

First we should always lastly go the FRICTION [Federal Restriction on Integrating Cycling and Technology In Our Nation] Act, then we should empower brokers from the Bureau of Wheels, Tires and Frames [WTF] to maintain tech firms away from biking firms by any means essential. See, we should finish this predatory conduct earlier than they begin “integrating agentic AI into bikes:”

Sure, it’s at all times about making biking extra “accessible,” isn’t it? See, the true downside with bicycles is that they’ve at all times been too sophisticated:

Fortuitously, issues are a lot less complicated now:

It simply retains getting higher and higher:

And with synthetic intelligence it can solely get higher nonetheless.

Look, I understand it’s futile to rail towards AI. It’s the following part in our technological evolution, and it’s inevitable. Even I take advantage of it to generate photos corresponding to this one:

Although after all it by no means works. On this case, I informed it to make me a picture of “The Time-Touring T-Shirt-Sporting Retro-Fred From The Planet Tridork Driving His Aero Bike Of Doom,” and it wasn’t even shut.

This, after all, is the Time-Touring T-Shirt-Sporting Retro-Fred From The Planet Tridork:

Although he’ll additionally reply to “Bret.”

However simply because AI will ultimately work out generate correct photos and can in all probability be penning this weblog in a matter of months, that doesn’t imply I need it on my bikes, or that I want a sensible handlebar:

Do you assume it is available in quill?

I’m going to guess it doesn’t.

Both method, you in all probability didn’t ask for “the world’s first totally linked sensible handlebar.” For that matter you didn’t even ask for 31.8. However guess what? You’re getting it anyway, and it’s known as…FLITEDECK!?!

I’m sorry, WHAT?

Should you’re sufficiently old to recollect 9 pace (sounds loopy, however somebody born when Shimano launched 9-speed Dura-Ace is now nearly 30 years outdated), you understand that Flight Deck was Shimano’s built-in cycle laptop:

[That appears to be a 10-speed version, but whatever.]

You managed it by way of slightly nubbin on the lever hood, which allowed you to toggle by thrilling options corresponding to “CLK” (that’s techn-jargon for “clock”), and naturally Campagnolo answered with its personal model, the “Ergo Mind,” which, uh, in all probability additionally had a clock:

In fact, in these darkish days of male chauvinism, whereas we might have had computer systems, there was no place for information on our precise handlebars, as that house was reserved for photos of scantily-clad girls:

However these days are over…or possibly they’re not:

Perhaps that is solely the start:

I suppose it’s protected to imagine FLITEDECK may have a “Digital Pin-Up” characteristic.

Now they’ll get stop and desist letters from Shimano and Cinelli.



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