Welcome again to my little relationship weblog! It’s been 2.5 months since I moved to Houston and I’ve been on 9 dates whole. A lot has occurred up to now 3 weeks since my final date at Discovery Inexperienced. But on the similar time, nothing has occurred in any respect.
Bear in mind on our final date, I had begun to really feel the spark of emotional reference to Hairline? After the date, giddy with pleasure, I referred to as my sister, Rachel, to get my head collectively. One nugget I took away from teaching was the worth of forming a staff of trusted advisors for assist in your relationship journey. Rachel holds the function of “the challenger” on my staff. She’s my childhood good friend and one of the crucial level-headed, strategic, and clever girls I do know. Some time again, I despatched her the identical female archetypes quiz that I advisable in half 2 of this sequence. Rachel joins the likes of Martha Stewart, Oprah Winfrey, Amul Clooney, and Jackie Kennedy as a Sage girl. These girls are led by logic, knowledge, and technique.
The sage is my secondary archetype and makes a robust pairing with my dominant lover archetype. Basically, I’m capable of each suppose and really feel deeply. Nevertheless, as a dominant lover, main with ardour comes extra naturally to me. I knew Rachel would supply the technique I wanted to get clear.
After our telephone name, I got here outfitted with three focus areas I might wish to talk about with Hairline. I used to be able to discover actual questions on values and life-style and wished to see how the rubber would meet the highway.
Little did I do know, it could be virtually a month earlier than I noticed him once more.
Throughout that interval, I might attempt to join with Hairline in several methods. One evening, as I sat writing at my laptop, I despatched a video recording of my laptop display screen taking part in the tune he had shared with me at Discovery Inexperienced. One other day, whereas strolling the aisles of Greenback Basic, I noticed a field of LemonHeads and remembered he’d informed me that his favourite sweet was something bitter. So, I grabbed a field for him. After having the field for a number of weeks and being unable to delay the gratification of giving a considerate reward, I ultimately simply despatched him an image of the field. I informed him it had been ready for our subsequent date.
Hairline left to journey for work for per week and returned to Houston that Friday with plans to fly out once more on Saturday for a celebration in LA that weekend. Whereas he modified his thoughts in regards to the celebration and determined to remain in Houston, we didn’t see one another that weekend. The next weekend, he could be out of city once more for a guys’ journey. It was changing into obvious that he simply didn’t have the house in his life to construct the kind of connection that I wished.
As Hairline did all of his touring, I went on residing my life salsa dancing, writing, spending time with my godchildren, and having fun with my time in Houston. I additionally met fairly a number of different males.
The Nigerian Salsero
There was the Nigerian Salsero. He had requested for my quantity at a Salsa Boat Get together in League Metropolis hosted by Latin Dance Manufacturing unit. A person who loves Latin dance is on my checklist of “good to haves”, so whereas on the boat I questioned if he is likely to be a possible match. He expressed curiosity within the nomad life so it appeared we shared the worth of journey. He was additionally well-educated and an mental. Nevertheless, the Nigerian Salsero shortly eradicated himself with one easy query. One thing prompted me to ask if he was single earlier than sharing my quantity. He knowledgeable me that he had a spouse again in Nigeria and was “engaged on” a divorce. As my sister, Marvelyn would say, “Goodnight and God bless, sir.” 
The Lumberjack
Subsequent, there was The Lumberjack. Someday, whereas sitting at Starbucks writing, a number of chairs over, I seen a tall White man carrying all black and donning a number of tattoos. He seemed robust and had a beard like that of a lumberjack. There was slightly edge about this man that I favored. If I have been thus far a white man, this is likely to be the kind.
I sat and questioned if I ought to make the primary transfer however sarcastically, the Lumberjack approached me first. He requested me to look at his issues whereas he ran to his automotive. When he returned, we made small speak. I complimented his physique and requested if he labored out. He laughed and informed me that he had been coaching for a strong-man competitors. You understand those on TV the place huge, burly males elevate boulders and pull freight with their our bodies? The Lumberjack felt like a person’s man. He requested for my quantity earlier than leaving. However he by no means referred to as.
There have been additionally the numerous males who had messaged me on Match. I estimate about seventy messages from males who had seen my profile, plus the countless carousel of profiles I had swiped via. I made 9 matches. Solely two of them led to an alternate of contact exterior the app and none of them had led to a primary date. NONE!
Bald Salsa Bae
Lastly, there was Bald Salsa Bae. I met him one Tuesday evening when 5 Central hosted their weekly Latin Night time. By now, y’all ought to know a bald head isn’t even my factor. However for this good-looking Black man, I might gladly make an exception.
Bald Salsa Bae stood at about 6’2’’ — my good peak for a dance companion. As we danced bachata, I might inform this man spent quite a lot of time within the fitness center. You see, bachata generally is a extremely sensual dance. Newer kinds of the dance, adopted by Europeans require that companions dance shut with synchronous physique rolls, booty rolls, and different actions wherein the male lead should actually put his companion’s physique the place he would really like it. As Bald Salsa Bae put me in place, I might really feel his muscle tissues via his shirt. They have been simply sufficient to note, but not sufficient to be excessive.
Did I point out his scent was completely dreamy? I do not know the way it might be doable to be drenched in sweat — as many dancers are after some time of significant dancing — and nonetheless scent like recent laundry. In some way, Bald Salsa Bae had pulled it off.
Much like romantic chemistry that doesn’t occur usually, dance chemistry is a factor that you simply don’t come throughout on daily basis — and I had it with Bald Salsa Bae. Our dance connection was straightforward, though I’m nonetheless thought-about a newbie and battle to maintain up, whereas he began dancing in 2015. Throughout slower songs, he would pull me shut, caress my shoulders, and seize my waist like we had identified each other for years — and I let him. That degree of consolation is uncommon — not less than for me.
I as soon as heard a feminine dancer good friend say that her male dance companion might get a lady pregnant simply by dancing together with her. That’s what it was like to bounce with Bald Salsa Bae.
The primary evening we met at 5 Central we chatted in between bachata booty rolls and physique leans. He supplied to purchase me a drink and I lingered round slightly longer that evening, hoping Salsa Bae would ask for my quantity. However he by no means did. I made a decision that if I ever got here throughout him once more within the salsa scene, I might be an empowered, impartial girl of 2023 and ask him for his quantity.
As destiny would have it, the next Friday, we bumped into one another on the Palladium Dance and Occasion Heart throughout their weekly Havana Nights dance social. He walked in and got here straight over to ask me to bounce. I used to be pleasantly stunned to see him and relieved that I had worn one in all my hottest clothes that night — the identical spicy leopard print quantity I had worn with The Beard for Date Quantity 5.
After a number of dances, I conferred with my single girlfriend chat. This group of 4 girls has been my lifeline for the previous three years of relationship. We met in 2020 whereas working with one in all my relationship coaches. I joke that I spent $4000 to name them mates.
I carried on about Bald Salsa Bae, his muscle tissues, and sweet-smelling sweat after which requested them how you can ask for his quantity. It’s so humorous how we are inclined to overcomplicate issues when our feelings are concerned. Think about me, a complete therapist, author, and speaker, scuffling with the phrases to ask a boy for his quantity.
“I loved our dance. We should always alternate numbers so we are able to do it once more someday” I prompt, nervous and doubtless sounding “scary” as they are saying within the South.
Bald Salsa Bae obliged my request and we spent the remainder of the night rotating different dancers, but at all times discovering our manner again to 1 one other. It was the right stability of freedom, paired with a gradual partnership.
A couple of days later, I had not heard from Salsa Bae, so I went again to seek the advice of with the group chat. The consensus was that I attain out to him and say hey. To me, this felt like a stretch, since I had been the one to ask for his quantity. However hey, what did I’ve to lose? I’m not into chasing males, however the group satisfied me that two actions initiated by me didn’t equal “chasing.”
I texted Salsa Bae and we had a beautiful dialog about nomading and dancing. He wished to work remotely and journey, simply as I had! It was like somebody had pushed the “lady mode” button in my mind and I instantly began fantasizing what it is likely to be prefer to journey the world with my dancing husband and companion. Women, why are we like this? We have now two good exchanges with a person and robotically begin planning the marriage.
Bald Salsa Bae and I’ve met as much as go dancing a number of instances since exchanging numbers; nevertheless, regardless of my flirting and signal-throwing, he’s by no means requested me on a date. Oh nicely. I suppose I’ll should put him within the “salsa boyfriend” file, together with a number of different males I’ve met alongside the best way who make good dance companions, mates, and nothing extra — such a tragic waste of fine chemistry.
So yeah, it’s dry season over right here at 100 Dates in Houston. Hairline has been the lone suitor, and he’s not precisely suiting.
Be sure you’re subscribed and test again subsequent week to search out out if I work my manner out of dry season!
—
This put up was beforehand printed on medium.com.
***
Does relationship ever really feel difficult, awkward or irritating?
Flip Your Courting Life right into a WOW! with our new courses and stay teaching.
Click on right here for more information or to purchase with particular launch pricing!
***
—–
Picture credit score: Luismi Sánchez on Unsplash
The put up 100 Dates in Houston: Dry Season appeared first on The Good Males Challenge.